Terminal Uprising, by Jim C. Hines

A sequel to Terminal Alliance, Terminal Uprising picks up just a few months after the first left off. The plot here wasn't as engaging as the original, but the humor is still spot on. “"The true origins of McDonald's have been lost," said Khatami. "From what we've pieced together, we believe it was founded by an old circus clown named Willard Scott."” The highlight here is the time spent on a decimated Earth with a group of surviving librarians. Yes, that's right: the heroes of the book are janitors and librarians! Something seemed a bit off to me about the entire book, but hard to put my finger on what. Maybe the pacing was uneven, maybe the serious nature of the agenda contrasted with the humor, or maybe reading a book about a plague that nearly wiped out the human race was just a bit disturbing with a worsening pandemic causing so much uncertainty and havoc. Good book, bad timing.

First Sentence:

In human chronology, it has been four months and eight days since the Shipboard Hygiene and Sanitation team of the EMCS Pufferfish went rogue.

Codex Born, by Jim C. Hines

I read Libriomancer over six years ago and loved it, but never got around to the sequel for some reason. That was a mistake—Codex Born is great! Starting with magical librarians investigating a murder but morphing into preventing a supernatural armageddon this book starts fast and only picks up speed until the conclusion. Once again, the fun is seeing what items are pulled from various books (the particular form of magic here); authors like H.G. Wells, John Scalzi, Robert Heinlein, and Lewis Carroll all are (surprisingly) featured, but using a scholarly text named African Honey Bees in North America was both genius and hilarious. The reason I only give this four stars is the depiction of the villain; he is unbelievably powerful for someone that only had a year to learn magic and seems to hold a grudge against the hero that makes little sense. Regardless, a fun, fast read.

First Sentence:

People say love changes a person.

Terminal Alliance, by Jim C. Hines

I enjoy Jim C. Hines' writing, so when spotting the first entry in a new series at the bookstore I grabbed it. A couple of centuries in the future the human race has become feral zombies, but compassionate aliens save as many as they can, using their advanced tech to bring them back to civilized beings and take them to the stars. Our heroes are saved humans now serving as janitors on an interstellar warship. Their jobs saved them from a bioweapon that wiped out the rest of the crew—they were wearing futuristic HazMat suits—and they proceed to uncover a conspiracy that would drastically change the balance of power in the galaxy... and it isn't clear if that is a bad thing.

The setup follows the same basic notes as The Expanse: underdogs band together and take control of an advanced warship while fighting a conspiracy on multiple fronts. Terminal Alliance, however, largely replaces space opera dramatics with humor, to great effect. The beginning of each chapter has a bit of history from the aliens POV about humans, largely about trying to understand our pre-feral history. One of my favorite bits was a passage about reconstructing literature:

• "Reviewed complete works of Dr. Seuss. These books are not, as first assumed, a guide to obscure Earth creatures. I suspect Seuss lied about being a doctor. Conclusion: total gibberish, completely untranslatable.
• Have reviewed the history and causes of Earth conflicts through the ages. Recommendation: do not translate or republish human religious texts.
• Works tagged 'fantasy' should be ignored. Based on early estimations of restored human intellectual capacity, these stores would only confuse them."

Another funny excerpt discussed our menu: "Humans' eating habits are, from an objective scientific perspective, disgusting. ... Some of the preferred meals we've reconstructed from their cookbooks and other literature include:

• The organs of an animal called a sheep, prepared and cooked within the stomach of the same creature.
• Tuna eyeballs.
• 100-year-old eggs. It's a wonder this species didn't go extinct sooner.
• Pufferfish. The toxins of this fish were highly deadly to humans. I originally assumed this meal was used as a means of suicide or execution, but in fact, humans ate this for pleasure. The risk of death was part of the appeal.
• Something called a Fried Twinkie. A slower method for humans to kill themselves."

Good story, snarky characters, and a compelling universe makes this a fast, fun read.

First Sentence:

"Marion Adamopoulos."

Libriomancer, by Jim C. Hines

I really liked Hines' take on fairy tales in his Princess series of novels, so I looked forward to his approach to "magic exists in the real world but is hidden from most people" as made popular by J. K. Rowling and Simon R. Green. Hines' entry into the club is my favorite by far! Libriomancy is a magic that allows people to use a book as a portal, pulling any item described within into our world. This unique concept is used to great effect, such as the hero wearing a Babel fish which allows him to understand any and all languages. Good stuff!

Libriomancy was created by Johannes Gutenberg, who it turns out was a frustrated sorcerer. He believed that there was magic in books, and the more people that read the book, the stronger the magic—and thus invented the printing press to amplify his access to the mystical arts. Fast forward nearly 600 years and there is a secret society of libriomancers dedicated to protecting the world from supernatural threats. Gutenberg is still alive (thanks to the Holy Grail), the head of the organization, and the most powerful person alive. He has also disappeared; cue adventure!

This novel is a literary pop culture smörgåsbord: lightsabers, disruptors, Excalibur are only a few of the weapons pulled from various novels, and the Love Magnet of Oz and Tinkerbell's Pixie Dust are other entertaining tools used along the way. Enemies include many different kinds of vampires (via Charlaine Harris to Anne Rice to Bram Stoker himself), although Professor Moriarty, Hannibal Lecter, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, and Norman Bates all make an appearance of sorts.

I loved, loved, loved this book! Since finishing it yesterday I've spent all kinds of time thinking about what I'd conjure up if given the opportunity. The Tarnhelm would be cool, as would a Green Lantern ring. Taking the winning lottery ticket from Paycheck would mean I wouldn't have to launder money somehow...

First Sentence:

Some people would say it's a bad idea to bring a fire-spider into a public library.

The Snow Queen’s Shadow, by Jim C. Hines

Hines’ final book in the Princess series is a bit like what I imagine Disney might make of Crossed. A demon is freed and begins to infect the world (starting with Snow White) with a curse that causes everyone to see only ugliness and hate. Damaged relationships, petty revenges, and crumbling governments quickly follow, and Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are forced to hunt their closest friend. Unlike a traditional fairy tale everyone doesn’t live happily ever after, but the ending is still satisfying. This book is the series finale as well, and Hines tacks on a coda that harkens back to the first book, wrapping up the novels nicely. Each book builds on the previous one so you’ll want to read them in order, but reading them is recommended!

First Sentence:

The plan had been so simple.

Red Hood's Revenge, by Jim C. Hines

The third volume of the Princess series is the darkest, but also the best. Red Riding Hood is a world-renowned assassin and has been hired to kill Sleeping Beauty. In the ensuing adventure the princesses return to the land where Beauty was enchanted and she is forced to come to terms with her uncomfortable past. The action and humor remain strong as in the other chapters, but the characterization and emotional impact of events are what cause this book to shine. The heroines are as far from damsels in distress as can be imagined, but Hines captures tender moments as masterfully as he does action scenes; no one-dimensional actors here. The Snow Queen’s Shadow is due for release in 2011, and I eagerly look forward to reading the next installment!

First Sentence:

If Queen Beatrice’s prediction was correct, this night would end in death.

The Mermaid's Madness, by Jim C. Hines

In the sequel to The Stepsister Scheme we find Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White in a twisted, action-packed version of The Little Mermaid. The mermaids have declared war on humankind to get revenge for the Mer-King’s daughter being wronged by a human Prince. Part Fractured Fairy Tales and part Pirates of the Caribbean, Hines spins another comedic adventure that I quite enjoyed.

First Sentence:

Princess Danielle Whiteshore of Lorindar clung to the rail at the front of the ship, staring out at the waves.

The Stepsister Scheme, by Jim C. Hines

The three heroines of this book are familiar—Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White—but little else is. Based in a fantasy land where humans and fairies have a tenuous truce, the recently-married Cinderella survives an attack on her life and discovers her Prince has been kidnapped. She teams up with the other two princesses and sets out on a rescue mission. Hines does a good job of avoiding the princess stereotype (the women are all smart, ass-kicking beauties) and makes the back-story of the trio interesting while still familiar. Cinderella, for instance, with her history of being forced into drudgery by her step-family can’t stop thinking about how to remove stains even when in a sword fight! I also enjoyed the author’s wink to the reader by having the queen at the center of a large intelligence network named Queen Bea. There are some dark portions of the book as well, with the villains getting the upper hand and acting in truly evil fashions, not the comical evil the Disney incarnations have made popular. This is the first of a series, and I’ll certainly be back for more.

First Sentence:

Danielle Whiteshore, formerly Danielle de Glas, would never be a proper princess.