M*A*S*H, by Richard Hooker

I’m a big fan of both the movie and television show, so when I saw this in a bargain bin I nabbed it. Surprisingly, this is not a well-written book. The dialogue is stilted and repetitive, the characters are one-note, and the various adventures are disconnected. I’d expected more from the story that launched Hawkeye, Trapper John, and the rest of the 4077.

As it turns out, the movie was much closer to the book in both plot and character history than I normally see. (Read any of Fleming’s James Bond books and then see the movie with the same name as an excellent converse example.) Painless’ suicide, the football game, and the Boys from Dover episode are covered in both and are pretty much the same. The book also details other adventures that while aren’t in the movie are clearly used as source material for the tv show. The most surprising thing about the book was that Margaret Houlihan and Frank Burns are just bit players instead of the main antagonists with which we are more familiar.

Is it worth your time? If you are a M*A*S*H fan, then yes. If not, I’ll leave you with two words and let you make up your own mind: epileptic whore.

First Sentence:

When Radar O’Reilly, just out of high school, left Ottumwa, Iowa, and enlisted in the United States Army it was with the express purpose of making a career of the Signal Corps.

Ho Yi the Archer and Other Classic Chinese Tales, retold by Shelley Fu

I was wandering through Half Price Books the other day and found this on a sale table. I’ve always been interested in folklore,and I’m taking a trip to China soon, so I picked it up even though it is aimed at children. There are only seven tales here covering normal folklore topics such as creation, morality, and love. As expected from the land of Buddha, there is a heavy dose of karma for all involved. Some interesting tales here.

My favorite was The Story of the White Snake. It told of a snake, Bai Su-Tzin, that takes human form and marries a simple man named Shu Shen. On the surface this is a tale of love and trust, with the message it is sometimes better to simply accept happiness as it comes rather than always pushing for the truth at the heart of the matter. This symbolism illustrates the conflict between Buddhism and Confucian beliefs that was raging in China when this was written. It is a beer-pondering question for sure: would you want to know if your spouse was deceiving you at the cost of your happiness together? Depends on the nature of the deception, of course, but it is a slippery slope from fibbing when asked, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

First Sentence (from the introduction):

The origins of Chinese folktales include history, songs, theater, and the oral tradition of storytelling.

Tom Clancy’s Net Force: The Archimedes Effect, by Perry and Segriff

This book was awful, even worse that the disappointing previous outing. Characters I once liked have become one-dimensional, and calling the plot silly is an insult to silly plots. Cliché-ridden rubbish at its finest! The only good thing was that at the end it is strongly implied that Net Force will be disbanding and therefore no further books of this nature. Even if there are, I won’t be reading them!

First Sentence:

Four-Star Army General Patrick Lee Hadden—should have had five stars, but the continuing War on Terror wasn’t an officially declared conflict.

The Big Book of Baseball Brainteasers, by Dom Forker, Robert Obojski, Wayne Stewart

On the surface baseball looks fairly simple, but read a couple of pages from anywhere in this book and you’ll quickly find a lot more to it than expected. The different chapters focus on various parts of the game: the infield, the outfield, base runners, umps, and so on. There is a mix of anecdotes, trivia, and puzzlers which illustrate different rules and situations. Well organized, even if not well written!

The style of writing made several of the puzzles quite difficult to follow. Instead of a straightforward layout of a siuation (“Runners on first and third with one out”) we plow through prose like, “The Cardinals have one out, Vince Coleman on third base, Willie McGee on first base, and a rookie who is trying to make the St. Louis ball club at the plate.” While that imagery is great when listening to a game on the radio, it sucks when the idea is to figure out the proper call when a base running error occurs.

That said, I learned a lot from this book. For instance, if a thrown glove makes contact with a live ball, the play is ruled a triple. If a fence is closer than 250 feet from home plate, a ball hit over it is a double and not a home run. If a batted ball strikes an umpire in fair territory before touching a fielder, the ball is dead; however, if it strikes an ump after passing a fielder other than the pitcher, it is considered fair. Great stuff!

First Sentence:

Some people claim that umpires give certain players the benefit of the doubt: Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams, for example, Wade Boggs and Tony Gwynn, too.

The Hidden Family, by Charles Stross

This is the second book in a series that has a lot of potential. Unfortunately, this was about as uneven as the first one. The ability to travel to parallel worlds is fascinating, but doesn’t seem to be put to much use here except as a gimmick. There are a lot of storylines in this book, but it isn’t long enough to flesh any of them out. (I think Stross is trying to be Puzo here but can’t quite make it happen.) Follow this up by having several of the minor characters turn out to not only know about world-walking but actually have the ability and you have a disappointing novel. It didn’t suck, more like bubble gum for the mind. I’ll give this series one more try, but if it doesn’t get any better I’ll probably walk away.

First Sentence:

The committee meeting was entering its third hour when the king sneezed, bringing matters to a head.

Marley & Me, by John Grogan

I’ve pretty much always had a dog; Frosty was a puppy when I was born and lived until I was in high school, Holiday was a collie my mother had when I was in college, Marble was my wife and my first dog together, and now Midnight lives with us. I get very attached to my pets, and so when I came across this book I was curious. I’ll admit I don’t normally read books that can be described as “heartwarming” but my attachment to dogs made me pick it up.

Grogan is a newspaper columnist, and it shows in his style. Like most columns, this was very uneven: parts of this were excellent, parts weren’t. Some anecdotes were funny (such as Marley crapping at the dog beach to the horror of the other owners) and some were disturbing (Marley getting crammed into a kennel much too small for him and being put in the belly of an airplane). The best written section was when Grogan described Marley’s death—the raw emotion he felt was both obvious and cathartic—and was strong enough to make you forget the low points. All-in-all, an enjoyable book, especially with some judicious skimming.

First Sentence:

We were young.

Hold ’Em Poker, by David Sklansky

I love the game, Texas hold ’em, Omaha, or even Booray, cards are one of my favorite pastimes. I used to host a couple of regular games, but got out of the habit not long after my dad died. I’ve been wanting to start playing again, so I decided to re-read Hold ’Em Poker again. This is a book targeted at beginners wanting to learn limit poker, not the no-limit games made so popular by the WSOP. It covers the rules, basic strategy, hand analysis, and betting tactics. It is less technical than other texts on the market, but great for the refresher I wanted.

I’m finally coming to terms with the fact I’m never going to be a good poker player. I’ve got a good general card sense but I simply don’t have the aptitude with numbers that is required of a truly good gambler. Rarely am I the big loser in a game, but it is just as rare that I’m the big winner. Generally I can sense when to bet and when to fold (although I do have a pathological resistance to abandoning a bad bluff) but it is just that—a sense. The math involved in calculating pot odds I understand, but can’t seem to internalize. Reading this book again has made me realize that while I enjoy the game, I’m not in any danger of being on ESPN anytime soon!

First Sentence:

Hold ’em poker is fast becoming one of the most popular poker games in America.