Super Giant Monster Time! by Jeff Burk

I loved "Choose Your Own Adventure" books as a kid, even writing my own at one point. When Super Giant Monster Time! was selected for my book club a wave of nostalgia engulfed me. I ordered it, and when it arrived I discovered that it was actually a wicked parody of the genre written by the delightfully subversive Jeff Burk.

You have the choice of three characters to become: a boring office worker, a punk-rock chick, or a scientist at a secret government lab. As any of the three selections you make selections amid a backdrop of an alien invasion and giant rampaging monsters. Virtually none of the endings are what you'd call "happy," but they are all pretty damn funny. A selection: "You feel no pain as your body is blown into thousands of tiny bits." "You think, but turtles aren't cannibals! And then they fall upon upon you." "You laugh as the city burns around you, the flames clearing way for the new age of carrots." "You flick your tail as you dream of what you will do to the hairless apes with these new powers. You are no longer Mr. McWhiskers, you are now Mr. McWhiskers — the Super-Cat!" "Then you get stepped on by a giant walking carrot. Serves you right you piece of shit." Good stuff!

With scenes including mass-murder, rape, porn, and a close-encounter with the business end of an ejaculating monster this isn't a book for kids, regardless of the format. Super Giant Monster Time! is a fun read and makes for a good escape for an hour or so. But you should wait until after work, because after all, "those TPS reports aren't going to file themselves!"

First Sentence:

You started off your day at the office just like any other.